The Rest of the Story?

I know you guys are waiting to hear how things went with nap.

The short answer:  Beautifully.

The not-so-short answer is everything I've written below.

You may have noticed the title of this post is "The Rest of the Story" and is a question rather than a statement.

Why?  

Because this whole thing (nap issues, Ben, the blog posts, and subsequent 

communications regarding said posts) has left us with more questions than answers.  

Here is what happened after I posted this (and then this) the other night:

A friend from high school read my blog.  She then sent me a Facebook message asking whether Tink has any sensory issues.  She works in the Early Intervention arena and said some of the other kiddos she has seen whom are dealing with the same kinds of difficulties have really benefited from some minor tweaks in their day.  

One of the things she mentioned was weighted blankets. 

I'd never heard of weighted blankets before, so I googled it.

(I love that Google has an answer for everything!)

I learned that weighted blankets are often used with children on the autism spectrum and those with a sensory processing disorder (SPD).  They are used as a calming tool.

If you've never heard of SPD, this website has a quick overview to help you understand what it is, the symptoms, and ideas to help deal with it.  

Anyway, I sent her a message back telling her that sensory issues had never occurred to me.   Below is a part of the message I sent her:

I've been researching SPD. I've wondered recently about Tink's tendency to put what seems like EVERYTHING in his mouth. It is like he constantly needs something to chew on; blankets, his shirt, stuffed animals, straws, paper, etc. Obviously, by four years of age, he has outgrown the need to explore the world orally. Or in theory he has anyway. Based on what I'm reading, that seems to be an indicator of SPD as well. Between the inability to rest and his chewing on everything I can't help but wonder if there may be an issue there that we were totally unaware of.

At that point I went into Mommy-On-A-Mission mode.

I headed home and picked up one of the heavier fleece blankets we had there.  

It is one that I made, so it is two, thick pieces of fleece 

with little knots all around the edges.  

It is similar to this one, but is made of SIU fabric.

Photo: www.samschuerman.com

I didn't want to just drop over a hundred bucks on a weighted blanket without having any idea if it would work.  I figured a thicker, heavier blanket would be a nice alternative and may give us a better idea of whether it is something which may help Tink.

I then went to see some of my SIU instructors.  

Because I am in school for early childhood education and because I have taken multiple development and special education classes, I know a number of people who would be familiar with something like SPD.   

I consider myself really lucky to have those resources available to me.  

One of those people is the instructor I mentioned in this post.

I found her in the hallway (This is twice in the last week I've done this to her.  She is definitely going to classifying me as having stalker/creeper status...) and told her I was wanting to get her feedback on something. 

I headed to her office and told her what was going on with Tink.  

I told her about nap.  

I told her about Ben.  

I told her about my suspicions of possible sensory issues.  

I also told her of the suspicions I'd had about Tink's chewing in the 

past being a problem.  I just hadn't realized the problem may have a name.  

I asked her whether she knew anything about SPD, if she was familiar with it at all.

She leaned over to her bookshelf, pulled out an academic journal, and pointed one of the articles listed on the cover.  It was called "Learning About Sensory Integration Dysfunction: Strategies to Meet Young Children's Sensory Needs at Home."

Guess who wrote it.

Yep.  She did.

Guess whom else has had 13 or so other articles about SPD published and even has a section in her book (you can find it here) about sensory issues in relation to feeding.

Yep.  Still her.

I could have fallen on the floor.  

I had no idea this was one of her areas of expertise.

So, we talked about using the blanket at nap and decided it was a good place to start.  

We also talked about giving him something like a chewy to use in order to satisfy his oral sensory needs.  

She gave me the journal to take with me and I left to go speak with the director of Tink's school.  I wanted her to be in the loop and know about what was going on with him, the idea of his having some possible sensory things going on, and the techniques we were going to start trying at nap.

She was great.  

She knew about the difficulties he's been having at nap.  

She said she'd never thought about connecting it to a sensory issue, but, now that it is being discussed, she could see the possible relation between nap and constant chewing.  

After some conversation, we decided to try just the blanket.  

I knew Tink already had some motivation to be as still and quiet 

as he could because of Ben.  

Adding the blanket was going to give the situation two variables. 

If I'd given him a chewy and he did well, we wouldn't know which of the three was what made the difference.

So, I took the blanket into Tink's classroom, told his teacher that he was to use it for nap, folded in half, and if he wanted to chew or fidget with the knots/fabric ends, that was fine.

(One of the things I learned as I was researching SPD is if they are looking for extra oral stimulation, don't try to discourage it.  It won't help to do so.  Instead, find them something appropriate to chew.  Hence, allowing him to chew parts of the blanket.  He doesn't actually eat anything he chews.  The soggy bits of paper all over the back of The Mini are a testament to that...)

I left with a positive attitude. 

I was really hoping we were finally getting to the bottom of what 

has been going on with him.  

I came back to the school roughly half an hour later to work in one of the other classrooms.  

As I walked in, it was still nap time and I could see Tink on his cot.  

It appeared as though he was laying quietly and still.

That was a good sign.  

I knew I couldn't judge based on the few seconds I'd seen, so I planned to ask his teacher later.

However, when nap time was over and before I'd had a chance to ask his teacher how it had gone, I heard someone say, "There she is.  Go tell her."

I looked over from the classroom I was working in and I saw Tink's teacher standing there with a huge grin on her face.  

I couldn't see who she was talking to because they were too short to be seen standing behind a line of cubbies.  

I had a hunch I knew who it was though.  

I walked around the side of the cubbies and there stood Tink, also with a huge grin on his face.  "Hey, Tinker," I said.  "How was nap?"

He just stood there and giggled.  

So I asked again, "How was nap?  Were you awesome?"

Still just more giggles.

Then he teacher said, "Yes, he was awesome."

AND I WAS THRILLED!!!

I got love and hugs and kissed and high fives.

... from Tink.  Not his teacher.  

Although, I was so excited, I probably could have given her love, hugs, and kisses and thought nothing of it.  

And we talked about being excited because Ben had hopefully seen how well he'd done and he would be waiting at home for him.

Tink looked SO happy.  That in itself made me SO happy, too.

Tink finished out the day & had a great afternoon.  

He went to his soccer workouts with Goose & Daddy and then came home. 

As soon as he walked through the door he saw Ben sitting atop our wreath.  

He was STOKED.

I pointed out that Ben had left him another letter and asked if he wanted me to read it.

He quickly shook his head no.

Like, no thought at all.  

Shook his head no and said, "I no wahn you weed it, mama."

Translation: I don't want you to read it, mama.

I can't say I blame the kid.  

I mean, the last letter from Ben basically told Tink that he stunk, so I don't 

think I would be overly thrilled to hear what Ben had to say either.  

I told Tink I was going to read it anyway.  

Here is what it said:

Dear Tink,

I saw how hard you worked at the bake sale this morning.  I also saw how hard you worked to stay still and quiet during nap.  I understand that it can be difficult sometimes.  I really like to see you try so hard!  I sent Santa an email to tell him about your day.  I'll bet he is going to be REALLY PROUD!  Please keep up the hard work.

Love, Ben

P.S. You, too, Goose!  You had a great day (except when you tried to push Avery down this morning... Santa knows about that.)!

See you tomorrow!

Tink laughed through the whole thing.  I think he was both really proud of himself and super excited to have Ben back at the house.  

It made me really happy to see him grinning from ear to ear.

So, that is where we are.

I won't know until I pick him up from school how he did today.

I am REALLY hoping to get just as good a report this evening as I did yesterday.  

I need it, Tink needs it, his teachers need it...

I'm also hoping the use of a blanket at nap and the chewy's I've ordered from Amazon will be enough to help him with whatever he may have going on.  Maybe it is something he will outgrow, maybe not.

Either way, we are just going to do the best we can to be as supportive as possible and give Tink every opportunity to be successful in whatever he does.  If that means we have to make changes in our attitudes (such as allowing him the freedom to chew on appropriate objects), then so be it.  

I guess this is one of those times where you just hope to make the right choices as a parent. There aren't manuals for this stuff, so there is no way to know if you are doing the "right" thing.  We'll just do the best we can.  That really is all we can do.  

Hopefully, it will be what Tink needs.

Update: Santa's Little Helper Or Mama's Big Depressor?

Well, it obviously isn't taking me very long to write an update.

It is taking only about five hours.

And, it is because I am currently feeling like

The.

Worst.

Parent.

Ever.

For those of you with whom I am not friends on Facebook, here are my last status updates:

And it only got worse from there.

The Hubs had to leave to go pick up some soccer jerseys.

As he was walking out the door he said, "He is up."

"Who?" I asked. "Tink?"

"Yep."

"Why?  What's wrong?"

"I don't know.  He was sitting up in bed.  I think you traumatized him."

[Thanks for the support, babe.  You suck, too.]

So, I headed into the bedroom.  

I could hear him sniffling as I walked down the hallway.

I turned into the room, asked him what was wrong, and he started sobbing.

I walked over to the bed, sat down, and pulled him into my arms.  

The conversation that followed went like this:

Me: Hey, baby.  What is the matter?  

Tink (snort... drool... snot):  I not know! 

Me: Stop crying, baby.  It makes me sad.  Why are you crying?

Tink: Be-tawz I tad! (Translation: Because I'm sad!)

Me: Why are you sad?

Tink (more snorting): Be-tawz Ben noh hee-yah! (Because Ben not here)

Me: I'm sorry you are sad that Ben isn't here.  Do you remember what Ben's letter said?

Tink (sobbing louder and leaving a snot trail across my cheek): Yeeeeeeeees!

Me: Ok, what did Ben say?

Tink (still sobbing): I be duhd (snort) ah na-aaap! (I'll be good at nap)

Me:  So if he doesn't make it back by tomorrow morning, he may be here tomorrow after school, right?

Tink (more snotting): Yeeee-aaaah!

Me: Ok baby.  Ben will be back.  Don't be sad.  You just need to have a good day tomorrow and then he will come back to see you, ok?

Tink:  Oh-tay.

Me: Ok.  Go ahead and lay down and try to go back to sleep.

Tink:  Mommy, I nee a hud.  I tad.  (I need a hug.  I'm sad)

So I give him one.

And I tuck him back in.

Then I practically sprint out of the room so I won't crumble into 

a blubbering, snotty mess in the middle of his bedroom floor.

Oh, the pain.

I feel terrible right now.  

I need this to work so that, if for no other reason, I don't feel like a total crap mama.

I'd planned to update you on whether the use of Ben was a motivating factor for good behavior during nap time, but I really needed to tell you about tonight first.

I hope you don't start to get an Elf-overload, but I had 

to share for my own mental well-being.

Say a prayer for us all.  

I'm gonna say a prayer for us, too.

And then have another glass of wine.

Can Santa's Little Helpers Fix This?

Tink has had some problems with his behavior at school recently.

Although he is usually really well-behaved, nap time has 

become a nightmare for all of those involved.

He is only required to lay on a cot quietly for about 30 minutes.  

He doesn't have to sleep, but he does have to rest.

And he has to rest quietly.

Herein lies the problem.  

He doesn't want to rest.

He doesn't want to be quiet.

He doesn't want to stay on his cot.

He does, however, seem to want to cause Mama to lose her mind.

I'm at my wits end with this nap situation.

I've gone in to the school many, many times to talk with him about his behavior and his expectations at nap.  He usually seems to do ok when I've come in to have these talks right before nap time (or as far as I know, anyway), but when I don't come in, his bad days far outnumber his good ones.

This is no bueno.

He has suffered consequences because of his behavior.  

Earlier this week he had to miss out on PE (His Pre-k class goes over to one of the university's PE-major classes and participates in their lesson plans.  He loves it!) and a bowling party.  

Those "fun" things were taken away because he went all 

Chuck-Norris-style on his teacher during nap.  

Yes, he hit and kicked.

And, yes, I marched my not-so-happy self into his classroom as soon 

as I received the email stating as much.

And, yes, I gave him that Mama-look that clearly says, "You are 

lucky I am not inflicting harm upon you, mister."

And, yes, I sat there and told him in no uncertain terms how royally 

peeved I was and if I heard he had hit or kicked a teacher again, so help me...

That scary Mommy thing evidently doesn't last long because, just two 

short days later, I've received another email.  

  

While he is not hitting or kicking (thank goodness!), he is 

still not doing what he is suppose to be doing.

Instead, he apparently decided today that he was going to climb up a 

stack of cots and sit on top of those rather than lay on his own.  

We can all probably guess he was not climbing quietly, either.

  

So, I wondered what I was going to do.

First, I decided he was not going to go to the SIU Women's 

basketball game with my parents.

But, while he still isn't going, he didn't ever know it was planned for him to go in the first place, so I'm not sure it will have much of an effect.

[Completely different topic: I cannot write the words "effect" or "affect" now without thinking of my friend, Ashley.  The "E"-ffect is the "RE"-sult. ;)]

I needed something bigger.

That was when I realized the biggest thing I have right now is Ben.

Who is Ben?

He is our Elf on the Shelf. 

Here he is last year, planking on one of The Hubs' soccer balls in our living room:

Anyway, I thought I could get Ben to help me convince Tink to behave at school.

Here is where he was found this morning.

Tink was SUPER stoked that Ben had finally made it to our house.

He woke up to see Ben looking at him from the brim of the 

snowman's hat in his bedroom.

That snowman had also magically appeared in his room last night.  

Seriously, this kid was REALLY excited.

Based on the conversation we had after his speech therapy this morning, I know he is really excited to see Ben again when he gets home.

Well, this is where Mama is planning to play her "Ben card."  

Ben will no longer be in his spot on the snowman as Tink expects him to be.  

This will be there instead:

Yep.

A letter from Ben.

Here is what it says:

Dear Tink,

I was watching you during nap time today.  I saw that you were not quiet and you did not lay on your cot.  I also saw that you did not wear your listening ears when your teachers asked you to be quiet and rest.  I had to leave your house early today so I could tell Santa about your behavior.  

I will try to come back tomorrow, but I can't make any promises.  It depends on how quickly I can get a meeting with Santa.

Please, please, please work hard to be better behaved and wear your listening ears.  I really want to stay here to see you play and have fun.  Plus, I want to be able to tell Santa what an awesome kid you are!

Love, Ben

P.S. Please give Goose a hug and kiss from me.  Tell him I said "thanks" for being so well-behaved today!

So, now we cross our fingers and hope Ben's words carry more weight 

than Mama's or Daddy's or Tink's teachers' do.

I am really hoping he will listen to Ben.

I'm really hoping this will be enough to encourage him to do what 

he is suppose to be doing during nap time from here on out. 

I'm really not crazy enough to hold my breath, however...

We'll see, I guess.

I'll let you know if this silly little elf is the hero of our household this holiday season.

In the meantime, just say a prayer for Tink's teachers.

Bless their hearts for being SO patient with him, especially after 

he performed his kung-fu moves on them.

They are quite a gift in our lives.

Hopefully Ben will be their hero, too!

Purple Tights: A Do or An Eww?

So, today I had some interesting feedback on my outfit.  

The reactions seemed to be that folks loved it...

or they hater-ed hated it.

So, now I want your opinions.  

Here is what I heard:

"I love your tights!"

"Those are so cute!"

"I would never be brave enough to wear tights with shorts. You are rocking them."

"Bright color! Those make me happy!"

and

"From the waist down, I don't get it."

"What the hell?"

"Ummm..." (as they stare at my legs)

"Is there even any purple in that scarf?"

[Side note:  There is not any purple in my scarf.  And I am totally ok with that. I have purple in my bracelet and that is about as matchy as I really like to get.  :)]

I haven't posted about clothing since I shared my boot-sock secret here.

Well, except when I mentioned my scarf obsession in this post.  

Anyway, I want to hear your thoughts.

Is the shorts/tights combo a Yay or Nay?

Do you think I look silly?  

Or would you Pin the look?  

OK, maybe not me in the look, but this kind of look on someone with long, amazing gams.

I guess this is where I need to post some pictures.

But before I do that, I feel like I must add this disclaimer:

These are terrible pictures.  

Terribly awkward, I mean.

I started to ask The Hubs to take them for me, but then he left to go do an interview with the paper (I would give further details on that, but I had no idea this was happening until I asked him where he was going.).

So, I was going to go outside and do some self-shots using the timer on my camera.  

However, my neighbors were out and I didn't want to be that 

weird girl taking pictures of herself.  

I instead headed down to the basement and did them there...

in terrible lighting...

against a shadowed wall...

without enough space between me and the camera to get a clear shot.

Whatever.

My point?  

Judge the tights, not the horrendous photos.

Here they are... in all of their wonderful, purple glory.

See? 

They match the bracelet.  

Kinda.

They just don't match my scarf.  

That said, I still think they "go."

I have to tell you that in this picture below, I was beginning to realize I do this weird thing where I lift my toes as a pose for a picture.  That was why I was peering at them when the camera went off.  I can't explain it.

And, I also realized how strange it feels to stare at a camera as it ticks down the seconds before taking a picture of you.  

I couldn't do it.  

Hence, the picture of me looking to the side.  

It felt WAY less peculiar than staring down the lens.

Maybe I will get over that someday.  Maybe I won't.

Actually, I likely won't.  

I mean, how often am I going to be doing self-portraits?

Probably not very often.

Unless I start to ask you to critique my outfit more often, I guess.

No offense, but I'm not planning on doing that.  

I'm typically pretty confident in my wardrobe choices. 

So, what do you think?

Are the colored tights a thumbs up or a thumbs down?

If thumbs down, what don't you like?

Different color? 

Not with shorts? 

They make you want to puke?

Please note, you aren't allowed to say you don't like them because my 

toes turn up or my shirt is all wrinkled.  

Admit it.  

You noticed the wrinkles.

I'm really interested to hear what you think!