Bright and Shiny Isn't Necessarily A Good Thing

Well, it is usually a good thing, but not when "bright and shiny" are spot-on descriptors of your 2 and 4 year-old children... holding a jar of Vaseline.

I was in the kitchen making dinner and I realized the boys were awful quiet.

Too quiet.

Anyone with children knows that "quiet" actually means "doing something 

they are definitely NOT suppose to be doing."

I went to go check on them, first looking in the playroom (I don't even know why I checked there. If they'd been in the playroom, a fight would've broken out well before I'd gotten to the point of suspicion.) and then I checked the bathroom. I was kind of expecting to see a full roll of toilet paper strewn around the room.

Nope, not in either room.

So I checked their bedroom.

There they sat, surrounded by all sorts of things, smeared in Vaseline.

Actually, I think saying they were "smeared" in the stuff is almost a 

bit of an understatement. I mean, there was not an inch of their little 

bodies that didn't have the goop on it.

I couldn't even say anything. My mouth fell open and I gasped.

Immediately, and I mean this was instantaneous, Tink started to scream at 

the top of his lungs. Like, made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up 

because it was so shrill and terrible. He popped up, ran from the room, 

still screaming, and shouted, "I put me on time out!!!"

Psssht. 

 Works for me.

Time out it is.

Goose, on the other hand, sat where he was and proceeded to have a 

full-on meltdown without ever moving.

I was so in disbelief at what was happening, I had to just stand there 

for a moment to decide what I was going to do.

My decision was to get my camera. 

 Duh.

So, here you are.

These are my lovely children... 

covered in Vaseline... 

having total breakdowns before I'd even gotten to the point 

of telling them how much trouble they were in... 

and serving a self-imposed timeout sentence.

I have to admit that this last one makes me laugh.

I should probably feel bad that my child is sobbing, but I hadn't 

yelled at him or even said a word about him being in trouble.  

He just knew he was doing something he shouldn't and was upset about it.

That makes it funny.

This was certainly a fun little event in the week filled with 

car-licking and penis-table-flopping.

If you were keeping tally, it is now Spring Break 3, Mama 0.

Good Bye, Ben

This morning the boys woke up and looked all over the house for Ben.

They'd seen this sitting outside of their bedroom, but finding Ben was a much more exciting prospect than opening gifts.

That in itself should tell you how much they love Ben.  

They've found him all over the house for the last couple of weeks.

Let me precurse the pictures by saying this:

The Elf on the Shelf cannot be touched or else his magic disappears and he can't fly to the North Pole to report to Santa.

That means Ben cannot be found any place Goose would be able to reach him.

It also means that he is pretty much just going to sit or hang in a high place.

While that seems kind of boring, it does save mommy from having to find new, overly-creative things for Ben to do.

Here are some Elf ideas from Pinterest.

Source: flickr.com via Jill on Pinterest

Source: cafemom.com via CafeMom on Pinterest

Source: lilsugar.com via McKenna on Pinterest

All of these are really cute ideas.

Our Ben is just not that creative.

I will tell you honestly that even trying to find a new place to just hang him can be horribly stressful, way too much work, a tremendous pain in the rear somewhat difficult. 

In fact, I think Ben won't be here until mid-December next year.  
I'm much more inclined to be more creative if I only need to do it 
for a week or so rather than three weeks...

Here are the places Ben was found:

On the snowman in the boys' room.

Hanging on the TV in the living room.

Sitting on the door plaque in the boys' bedroom.

Atop the huge wreath on the living room wall.

Hanging up-side-down on the robe hook in the bathroom.

(This was one of Tink's favorite.  I found him in the bathroom, laying on the floor, 

looking straight up at Ben with his feet on the toilet.)

On our Christmas tree, wearing SIU sunglasses that say "Go Dawgs."

(Please ignore that there are no ornaments. Goose makes them a no-go.)

Fishing from the doorbell, using a jingle bell as a bobber, and catching Nemo.

We have Daddy to thank for this one...

On the fan in the bedroom.

That is Tink sleeping below him.

Hanging from one of the "bubbles" on the boys' ceiling.

This time he is above a sleeping Goose.

The lid of the large decorative container of ornaments in the kitchen.

Riding a Christmas moose.

At one point, Ben evidently slid off the back of the moose and ended up 

in a rather compromising position.  I was prepared to blame that on 

Daddy, too, but he said he didn't do it.

I'm not sure I believe him...

Doing pull-ups on the photo bar.

Giving hugs to the UNC doll hanging on the back door.

Straddling the lights in the living room.

Hanging in Tink's stocking.

Hanging with the Christmas cards in the kitchen.

Straddling the lights in the bathroom.

And, of course, you will remember from this post (and this one and this one) how Ben left Tink a note and then returned with another note on the kitchen wreath.

So, anyway, since today is Christmas Eve, Ben stopped by last night to 

leave some things for the boys, but had to quickly head back up to 

the North Pole to help Santa finish preparing for tonight.  

After running around looking for him, they were a 

bit disappointed to find he wasn't there. But, when they saw the little picture of 

Ben at the bottom of the note he left, their spirits were lifted.  

I think the fact that he'd left them gifts did help.  

  I told them we needed to change Goose's diaper, Tink 
could potty, and then we'd read the letter.  

They both sat really quietly while I read it to them. 

 Unless your eyes are WAY better than mine, that picture is impossible to read.

Here is what the letter said:

December 24, 2012

Good Morning, Tink and Goose!

I’m sure you were looking for me when you got out of bed, but, as you can see, I am not here.  I had to fly back up to the North Pole so I could help Santa get all of the toys ready to deliver to boys and girls around the world tonight.   

Yesterday was my last day here until next year’s holiday season.  I have been watching you both and I have seen all that I needed to see.  

I hope you remember to put out milk, cookies, and reindeer food because Santa will be stopping by your house tonight.  Rudolph, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen will all be with him.  I just know they are going to love the food you made them at the North Pole party!  Oh, by the way, before I forget to tell you, Peppermint asked me to tell you “Hello!”  You remember her, right?  She was the elf at that party.  She thought you were a pretty cool guy, Tink!  I told her you are really awesome, too, Goose.  :)

Anyway, I left some presents for you since you were both so well-behaved this year.  I really hope you love them!  You are suppose to use them tonight.  (That will make sense once you’ve opened them!)

I’m sure you have also noticed that I left a bag with your gifts.  Here is what I would like for you to do:

You each should pick out one or two toys to put in the bag.  They should be in good shape and things you think other children would enjoy.  Please leave the bag near the milk and cookies for Santa.  I will let him know that he is to bring the bag back to the North Pole with him.  Me and the other elves will fix up the toys so they are good as new.  Then, we will give them to other children who aren’t as lucky to have as many toys as you two have.  It will make them very happy.  

Thank you both for being SO good and I will miss you.  

I’ll be back next year, but remember, even though you won’t see me until then, I will always know how you are doing.  

Merry Christmas!

Love, Ben

Well, the boys were pretty excited about giving 
some toys to other kids for Christmas.

In fact, before I'd even put the letter down after reading it, Goose had 
already run to the living room, picked up one of the gifts, and 
was running back down the hallway to put it in the bag Ben had left.

He was saying, "I got one, mama."

Bless his sweet little heart.  

He'd picked up the gift under the tree which was 
suppose to go to Annie, my sister's dog.

Needless to say, I'm not sure any children out there are going to 
want a chew-toy or doggy treats...

Naturally, as soon as Tink saw Goose holding a gift, he ran to get one, too.

I explained to them that those were gifts under the tree were for people in our family.

I told them we needed to find toys in the playroom to give to other children.

So we started on a toy hunt.  

Mama may or may not have conveniently placed a Spongebob dvd in the playroom 

for them to want to give away since she won't let them watch that show.

Ahem.

(If you are wondering why I am not a fan of Spongebob or many of the 

other kids' shows you find on TV, read this.  I have to admit that I was more 

tempted to just throw it away.  However, just because I don't let my children

watch Spongebob, it doesn't mean another parent isn't allowed to 

make the choice to let their child watch the show.)

We ended up with four toys in the bag and left it under the tree.

Then we opened the presents that Ben had left.  

They were jammies (for the boys to wear tonight) and the 

Elf on a Shelf movie.

They were so excited!

This picture is of them sitting in front of the TV yelling, "BEN!!!!!"

Ben obviously made the right decision with the movie.  :)

Ben might have a confession, though.

The boys might have already owned (and once worn) those jammies.

Ben might have thought the pjs MaMaw and PawPaw had bought the boys would be perfect as gifts, but he might not have realized they were about two sizes too big, so they couldn't be worn this Christmas Eve.

Ben might have had to improvise by raiding their closets and hoping they wouldn't remember the Christmas jammies with monkeys.

And he might have been successful because they didn't remember them.

Whatever works, Ben.

We've watched the movie twice so far.  

I'm sure we will watch it many, many more times.

Especially if we get all the snow they are predicting and we're stuck in the house.

I am REALLY hoping that doesn't happen...

Anway, that brings our season of Ben to an end this year.

I will let you all know when he makes his return next year.  

Maybe he will zip-line or makes flour snow angels like he did last year.

Maybe.

For now, Ben and I will just say Merry Christmas 

and we hope you enjoy your holiday.  

The Christmas Card You Didn't See...

We always do Christmas cards with family pictures on them.

Typically, the card is either a single family shot or it 

is multiple shots of mostly Tink and Goose.  

I really only include The Hubs and I on there because we send them to a number of people who've played integral roles in our (mostly his) lives as we were growing up and I figure they would like to see us (again, mostly him), too.  

I've had some pretty cute photos in the past.  

Here are the ones from last year:

I LOVED those so I wanted to do something similar this year.

I saw a picture on Pinterest and wanted to do my own version.  

It was of two boys, tied up with strings of Christmas lights, and they each had a piece of red duct tape over their mouth.  It said something like "Happy" and "Holidays" on the tape.  

I thought it was adorable, so I figured I could attempt to tie up Tink and Goose with lights.

  I was not going to attempt the tape because I knew that would cause meltdowns.  

The boys in the Pinterest shot were a few years older than my two, so they 

probably understood it was suppose to be funny for the picture.  

My two definitely wouldn't get it.

I thought they may find the lights part fun, though.

I was half right.

Goose was NOT having it.  

The lighting was terrible, the shots were dark and blurry, and 

Goose appeared as though he was really being tortured.  

I'm not going to bother explaining any more of it.  

I'll just let the pictures do the talking. 

So, enjoy these photos, the ones from the Christmas 

cards I came *thisclose* to ordering, but decided against.  

Just don't call DCFS on me because I didn't keep them tied up for long.

I swear.

Ahem.

Goose appeared to be somewhat cooperative in this next one, but 

Tink didn't look thrilled and the shadows were really bad.

And then we had this.

Game. Over.

Can't exactly send this picture out on a card meant to spread cheer...

These are the pictures that actually made it onto our Christmas cards.

Christmas-y?  

No.

But no one was laying, face down, seeming to be the most 

miserable, tortured person on the planet.  

That made them perfect.

Happy Holidays, from our crew to yours.