No Means No

Yesterday there was a walk against sexual violence and gender violence on campus.

I really wanted to take part in the walk and decided to bring the boys.

I know they are too young to understand sexual assault, rape, gender violence or 

anything of the like.

In fact, I love that they are lucky enough to live lives in which they don't even have to know such evils exist.  I recognize that not all children are as lucky.

Regardless of their lack of understanding behind the true meaning of the walk, they are old enough to know that we treat people kindly.  

They get the idea of not treating people in a way that hurts them.

(Well, for the most part.  Goose is still working on his aggression issues, but that is completely besides the point...)

Anyway, I really wanted the boys to be a part of the walk.  

I am doing my best to try to raise them to become men who will treat women, and other men, with kindness, care, fairness, and equality. 

I want them to grow up to respect others and do the best they can to make a positive impact on the people they meet.

As a woman whose life has been affected by sexual violence, it is important to me that I do something to take a stand against it.  

And as a mother of two future men, I believe that the best place for me to start is with them.  

That is why I think it is important to do things like The Gathering (the name given to this annual event). 

We assembled at SIU's Student Center and waited for the march to begin.  

Tink really wanted to hold one of the signs, so he held one reading, "No Means No."

Of course, Goose wanted one, too, so he held a sign which said, "Stand Against Gender Violence."

Before the march began, one of the women from The Women's Center, a domestic violence center,  spoke about global, national, and Carbondale-specific statistics in regards to sexual violence and gender issues.  Some of the statistics she gave were staggering.  If you want to educate yourself on some of these topics, check out this website.  

After speaking, she led the march in the direction of The Women's Center.


As we marched, Tink held his sign and, on his own accord, started chanting "No Means No!" along with the college students walking ahead of him.  It was awesome.

Once we made it to The Women's Center, Shelley Hill, their rape crisis services lead therapist, spoke about the center and what they do.

I've had the pleasure of meeting and speaking with Shelley before and she is AMAZING.  She is as genuine and kind as a person can be.  The Women's Center is lucky to 
call her one of their own.  

Shelley had the participants use chalk to write, on the sidewalk, something they would pledge to do as a way to stand against sexual violence. 

She said she wanted us to fill the walkway so that the women coming into the center would see the support they have from people within the community.

It was pretty powerful.

After writing, we marched on and headed to the SIU Student Health Services.

There was a presentation given by PMM, an organization from the university.

PMM stands for Progressive Masculinities Mentors.  In their own words, they are "a group of concerned men who seek to work with other men in an attempt to transform traditional notions of 'what it means to be a man' through support, education, and activism."

You can check out their website to learn more about them.  They are doing some really fantastic things.

I really just wanted to share with all of you how great it felt to participate in this march.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm not doing enough to change the world.

And then I see a picture like the one below and I realize, even if I feel like I can do more, I can feel good about knowing I am doing the most important thing: 

I am raising two strong, compassionate, loving, gentle, beautiful boys to become men who will respect, value, honor, foster, and cherish women.

And that makes me proud.

"Imagine all the people living life in peace.  You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.  I hope someday you'll join us, and the world will be as one." - John Lennon