I know you guys are waiting to hear how things went with nap.
The short answer: Beautifully.
The not-so-short answer is everything I've written below.
You may have noticed the title of this post is "The Rest of the Story" and is a question rather than a statement.
Why?
Because this whole thing (nap issues, Ben, the blog posts, and subsequent
communications regarding said posts) has left us with more questions than answers.
Here is what happened after I posted this (and then this) the other night:
A friend from high school read my blog. She then sent me a Facebook message asking whether Tink has any sensory issues. She works in the Early Intervention arena and said some of the other kiddos she has seen whom are dealing with the same kinds of difficulties have really benefited from some minor tweaks in their day.
One of the things she mentioned was weighted blankets.
I'd never heard of weighted blankets before, so I googled it.
(I love that Google has an answer for everything!)
I learned that weighted blankets are often used with children on the autism spectrum and those with a sensory processing disorder (SPD). They are used as a calming tool.
If you've never heard of SPD, this website has a quick overview to help you understand what it is, the symptoms, and ideas to help deal with it.
Anyway, I sent her a message back telling her that sensory issues had never occurred to me. Below is a part of the message I sent her:
I've been researching SPD. I've wondered recently about Tink's tendency to put what seems like EVERYTHING in his mouth. It is like he constantly needs something to chew on; blankets, his shirt, stuffed animals, straws, paper, etc. Obviously, by four years of age, he has outgrown the need to explore the world orally. Or in theory he has anyway. Based on what I'm reading, that seems to be an indicator of SPD as well. Between the inability to rest and his chewing on everything I can't help but wonder if there may be an issue there that we were totally unaware of.
At that point I went into Mommy-On-A-Mission mode.
I headed home and picked up one of the heavier fleece blankets we had there.
It is one that I made, so it is two, thick pieces of fleece
with little knots all around the edges.
It is similar to this one, but is made of SIU fabric.
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| Photo: www.samschuerman.com |
I didn't want to just drop over a hundred bucks on a weighted blanket without having any idea if it would work. I figured a thicker, heavier blanket would be a nice alternative and may give us a better idea of whether it is something which may help Tink.
I then went to see some of my SIU instructors.
Because I am in school for early childhood education and because I have taken multiple development and special education classes, I know a number of people who would be familiar with something like SPD.
I consider myself really lucky to have those resources available to me.
One of those people is the instructor I mentioned in this post.
I found her in the hallway (This is twice in the last week I've done this to her. She is definitely going to classifying me as having stalker/creeper status...) and told her I was wanting to get her feedback on something.
I headed to her office and told her what was going on with Tink.
I told her about nap.
I told her about Ben.
I told her about my suspicions of possible sensory issues.
I also told her of the suspicions I'd had about Tink's chewing in the
past being a problem. I just hadn't realized the problem may have a name.
I asked her whether she knew anything about SPD, if she was familiar with it at all.
She leaned over to her bookshelf, pulled out an academic journal, and pointed one of the articles listed on the cover. It was called "Learning About Sensory Integration Dysfunction: Strategies to Meet Young Children's Sensory Needs at Home."
Guess who wrote it.
Yep. She did.
Guess whom else has had 13 or so other articles about SPD published and even has a section in her book (you can find it here) about sensory issues in relation to feeding.
Yep. Still her.
I could have fallen on the floor.
I had no idea this was one of her areas of expertise.
So, we talked about using the blanket at nap and decided it was a good place to start.
We also talked about giving him something like a chewy to use in order to satisfy his oral sensory needs.
She gave me the journal to take with me and I left to go speak with the director of Tink's school. I wanted her to be in the loop and know about what was going on with him, the idea of his having some possible sensory things going on, and the techniques we were going to start trying at nap.
She was great.
She knew about the difficulties he's been having at nap.
She said she'd never thought about connecting it to a sensory issue, but, now that it is being discussed, she could see the possible relation between nap and constant chewing.
After some conversation, we decided to try just the blanket.
I knew Tink already had some motivation to be as still and quiet
as he could because of Ben.
Adding the blanket was going to give the situation two variables.
If I'd given him a chewy and he did well, we wouldn't know which of the three was what made the difference.
So, I took the blanket into Tink's classroom, told his teacher that he was to use it for nap, folded in half, and if he wanted to chew or fidget with the knots/fabric ends, that was fine.
(One of the things I learned as I was researching SPD is if they are looking for extra oral stimulation, don't try to discourage it. It won't help to do so. Instead, find them something appropriate to chew. Hence, allowing him to chew parts of the blanket. He doesn't actually eat anything he chews. The soggy bits of paper all over the back of The Mini are a testament to that...)
I left with a positive attitude.
I was really hoping we were finally getting to the bottom of what
has been going on with him.
I came back to the school roughly half an hour later to work in one of the other classrooms.
As I walked in, it was still nap time and I could see Tink on his cot.
It appeared as though he was laying quietly and still.
That was a good sign.
I knew I couldn't judge based on the few seconds I'd seen, so I planned to ask his teacher later.
However, when nap time was over and before I'd had a chance to ask his teacher how it had gone, I heard someone say, "There she is. Go tell her."
I looked over from the classroom I was working in and I saw Tink's teacher standing there with a huge grin on her face.
I couldn't see who she was talking to because they were too short to be seen standing behind a line of cubbies.
I had a hunch I knew who it was though.
I walked around the side of the cubbies and there stood Tink, also with a huge grin on his face. "Hey, Tinker," I said. "How was nap?"
He just stood there and giggled.
So I asked again, "How was nap? Were you awesome?"
Still just more giggles.
Then he teacher said, "Yes, he was awesome."
AND I WAS THRILLED!!!
I got love and hugs and kissed and high fives.
... from Tink. Not his teacher.
Although, I was so excited, I probably could have given her love, hugs, and kisses and thought nothing of it.
And we talked about being excited because Ben had hopefully seen how well he'd done and he would be waiting at home for him.
Tink looked SO happy. That in itself made me SO happy, too.
Tink finished out the day & had a great afternoon.
He went to his soccer workouts with Goose & Daddy and then came home.
As soon as he walked through the door he saw Ben sitting atop our wreath.
He was STOKED.
I pointed out that Ben had left him another letter and asked if he wanted me to read it.
He quickly shook his head no.
Like, no thought at all.
Shook his head no and said, "I no wahn you weed it, mama."
Translation: I don't want you to read it, mama.
I can't say I blame the kid.
I mean, the last letter from Ben basically told Tink that he stunk, so I don't
think I would be overly thrilled to hear what Ben had to say either.
I told Tink I was going to read it anyway.
Here is what it said:
Dear Tink,
I saw how hard you worked at the bake sale this morning. I also saw how hard you worked to stay still and quiet during nap. I understand that it can be difficult sometimes. I really like to see you try so hard! I sent Santa an email to tell him about your day. I'll bet he is going to be REALLY PROUD! Please keep up the hard work.
Love, Ben
P.S. You, too, Goose! You had a great day (except when you tried to push Avery down this morning... Santa knows about that.)!
See you tomorrow!
Tink laughed through the whole thing. I think he was both really proud of himself and super excited to have Ben back at the house.
It made me really happy to see him grinning from ear to ear.
So, that is where we are.
I won't know until I pick him up from school how he did today.
I am REALLY hoping to get just as good a report this evening as I did yesterday.
I need it, Tink needs it, his teachers need it...
I'm also hoping the use of a blanket at nap and the chewy's I've ordered from Amazon will be enough to help him with whatever he may have going on. Maybe it is something he will outgrow, maybe not.
Either way, we are just going to do the best we can to be as supportive as possible and give Tink every opportunity to be successful in whatever he does. If that means we have to make changes in our attitudes (such as allowing him the freedom to chew on appropriate objects), then so be it.
I guess this is one of those times where you just hope to make the right choices as a parent. There aren't manuals for this stuff, so there is no way to know if you are doing the "right" thing. We'll just do the best we can. That really is all we can do.
Hopefully, it will be what Tink needs.
